March 19, 2014 § 3 Comments
By nature, I am *impatient. On my best days I am testy, impetuous, restless, quick-tempered, short-fused and vehement. I find it terribly hard to wait on God for a decision I want made yesterday. And like a child, I tend to get upset when I have to wait for an answer.
*I’m working on it. Slowly.
I’m not proud. Really. I’m just being honest. My flesh and my spirit are at constant war for my emotions. In my heart of hearts I want to be gentle, kind, loving, merciful, full of the grace that has been given to me and most of all patient. More precisely, to find JOY while being patient. I do. But like I said, the struggle is real.
If I were to make a movie about my life thus far, you would see that the main conflicts in my life are a direct result of me. Me trying to do things my way. Me trying to make things happen in MY time. Me trying to be in control. These are the *battles. I’m in one right now, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to be joyful.
*I lose. Always.
So, that being said, here’s where the wrecking comes into play.
Some of the things I’ve heard all my life are “The joy of The Lord is your strength.” And “Just choose joy!” Ok. Great. They’re just some of the things people say to you when they know your walking through something difficult. To be honest? They never really helped me feel better. Until today; and it was like God was telling me I should have had a *V-8.
*forehead slap and everything.
“…You will enrapture me [diffusing my soul with joy] with AND in Your presence.” (Acts 2:28 AMP)
He will diffuse me with joy WITH His presence.
He will enrapture me with joy IN His presence.
What The Lord revealed to me today is this: Even when I don’t feel like it, I am constantly IN His presence. I carry His presence WITH me everywhere I go. There is no reason in heaven or on earth for me to not be consistently FILLED and OVERFLOWING with joy! All this time, the enemy has been trying to rob me of something that is impossible to steal. If His presence is part of me, (like the Word tells me it is because I have traded my life for His) then His joy is also a part of me. They go hand in hand. You cannot fully experience the presence of God without fully experiencing the complete and utter JOY that is found there!
Sadly, that doesn’t mean that my struggle with impatience ends. It doesn’t mean it gets “easier” to wait on God and His perfect timing. What it does mean, is that I don’t have to be discouraged in the waiting. I does mean, that I can be content and joyful where I am now, even if it’s not where I want to be.
So here’s to waiting. Patiently. Joyfully.