Big News Part 2

August 16, 2012 § 32 Comments

“Why?”

Such a small and simple word. A word uttered thoughtlessly, millions of times every day in a thousand different tongues. And while the dialect or pronunciation or delivery may differ, the meaning is always the same: Make me understand.

In this post, I told you how afraid and vulnerable and out of control I was feeling. I let you take a small peek at the life I was leaving behind. What I failed to do, was tell you why.

Why would I move 1500 miles away from all that I know and love? Why would I ever *leave my mother? Why do I have such a **potentially unhealthy obsession with lists and details and asterisks?

*There is still room in my suitcase

**I have no answers

photo source: wanderlustandlipstick

All that being said, there is really only one question remaining to be answered. Why am I moving to Ohio? List lover that I am, here is a short one that captures the heart of the reasoning behind the move:
  1. I’m helping plant a church.
  2. Huh?

Now that you are even more confused than before, allow me to elaborate. You heard me right. I’m moving to plant a church in Columbus. What exactly does that mean? Well, in all honestly, your guess is as good as mine. But in order to try to help make sense of this strange statement, lets start at the beginning, shall we?

Back in May of this year – before laughing.loving.eating was born or even thought of I went up to Ohio to visit Mr. Levi Loyde, my special someone, and his wonderful family. Ironically, or as I tend to think not so ironically, they are also life long family friends AND it was their church that I attended when I lived in Ohio the first time. It was on this trip that I was asked to seriously and prayerfully consider moving back to Ohio to plant a church in a somewhat rougher area of Columbus.

No building. No pews. No pulpit. No congregation. No lights or sound. No worship team or creative arts department. Nothing whatsoever resembling the modern-day “church”. None. Nada. Zilch. Zip. *Just a handful of God-loving people who desire nothing more than to see the hearts and lives of hurting, broken people (just like you and I) transformed into something beautiful.

*church

And friends, let me just say, I will always love Jesus. I will always love His church. I will always (try) to love His plans. Truly. But in that moment, when my heart started racing a thousand miles a minute and my palms started sweating profusely, I wished I didn’t love so much. Because I never, hear me, nevernevernever wanted to live in Ohio again. EVER.

My faith has never been so challenged. My fears, well they all have a thing or two to say about the idea, too. Usually on a daily, if not hourly basis, I’m reminded of all the things that could go wrong. I think about how I despise winter and adore the sun. I agonize over the fact that I am moving without having a job or steady source of income. I remember how sad and lonely and broken I felt when I lived in Ohio before. I worry that I won’t ever feel “at home”, despite being surrounded by incredible people whom I absolutely adore. I’m tortured by thoughts that are almost too horrific to name, like being unable to bake and cook on a semi-regular basis. I would cease to exist.

But

The moment the question was poised, in the midst of thinking that I would surly suffocate and die under the crushing weight of all my doubts, my selfishness, my insecurities and each and every one of my greatest fears, something like peace washed over me. Something that spoke louder than all that fear, that is still speaking louder than all the doubt, the confusion, the insecurities. Something like courage and hope and the belief that I am on the right path. Something that calls me, draws me, and moves me like I’ve never experienced before. So I’m going.

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§ 32 Responses to Big News Part 2

  • […] Big News Part 2 « laughing.loving.eating says: August 16, 2012 at 11:39 am […]

    • Jenn says:

      Good for you! I found your blog via Freshly Pressed, and I completely related when I read your first post about moving. I actually just moved from North Carolina to Connecticut. I was born in the south and raised in NC. I’d only been up north a few times, but never more than one week out of the entire year. It’s roughly fourteen hours up the East Coast–how different can it possibly be? But I feel completely out of my element here. *Everything* is different! In fact, I just wrote about it today, actually.

      I’m sure you’ll do great up in Ohio, and it sounds like you are going for a good cause. Despite how alien I feel up north, I’m glad I’m here. It’s these experiences that make us the people we are, right? Good luck, and thanks for the great read!

      • Thank YOU for the encouragement and for reading, Jenn! There is no greater feeling in the world than knowing something that I have written resonates so deeply with another person! I hope Connecticut is treating you well! Wishing you all the best! 🙂

  • jmd12340 says:

    If ever there was a reason to leave your life (as you know it) and start anew, doing what God wants is an excellent reason.

  • Well, that’s a beautiful reason. Good luck with the move, I hope everything goes smoothly!

  • kellygrace1 says:

    You’re not going—-you’re following. Ps.32:8-9
    My hubby is a pastor and we’ve had the awesome blessing of planting 2 churches in California and a Bible Training Center in Ghana West Africa. When I was a new christian, over 40 yrs. ago, I heard a pastor say, “if you want your life to count for EVER, invest it in the word of God and the souls of men(he also meant women & kids)because the Bible tells us those are the things that last forever”. Everything else we see now will pass away, but you and I and everyone who knows Jesus has a chance right now to help others hear the truth and be set free.
    There was never a better time to say, “YOU GO GIRL”.
    Mark 10:29-31 God has a new family and home waiting for you and as for you’re bad Ohio years, let Him redeem that as well.
    Is. 61:3 to give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that you might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
    God bless & keep you,
    Kelly

    • Kelly, this may sound strange, and please don’t take this the wrong way but, I love you. As soon as I started reading your comment, this incredible peace and calm filled my heart and quieted my mind. Thank you for allowing God to speak to me through you.

      I pray that God would continue to bless you and your husband as you serve Him!

  • dste says:

    Wow, that’s amazing! Best of luck to you, and I’m sure that it will all turn out for the best.

  • Hanna Waswa says:

    This is really incredible. I know how hard it is to go to a new place without anyone; it’s amazing that you’re going BACK to a place you never wanted to live in again. Best of luck with your move!

  • Maggie says:

    How can you be sure it was not a test of how committed to where you are now?

    • Maggie, the truth is I can’t be sure. But that (for me) is where faith in something so much bigger than myself comes in and pushes me forward. I beleive in the promise of a faithful God, who loves His people and desires only good things for them. He has never led me astray before, I can’t believe that He would let me take the wrong path this time around.

  • You are an amazing person. I wish my relationship with Jesus was this strong.

    • What a remarkable thing to say. To be completely honest with you, most days I don’t feel like my walk/relationship with Jesus is strong at all. All of my short comings and failures feel like this vast and endless ocean that will forever seperate me from Him. But then, in one way or another, He reminds me of grace. And hope. And His perfect plans. And the promise that He will never let me walk alone. THOSE are the moments (yes, moments) that I feel strong. Those are the moments that sustain me.

      • That is so encouraging to hear, because that’s pretty much exactly how I am. I don’t know, I guess I have this illusion of a “strong” Christian who is happy and confident in the Lord all the time. But it’s definitely an illusion. I just want you to know you totally encouraged me today, and I’ll be praying for you. Cause everybody needs it. 🙂

  • Wow! I will certainly keep you in prayer! I am a Brit, but I lived in Ohio for a short time some years back, so I’ll be watching for your blogs to see how Father God is leading and keeping you. He will not fail you, and He will honour you for your obedience to Him. Brave girl. Take heart, mighty warrior and go in the strength you have.

  • How refreshing to read your super fun blog! I am currently in the process of church planting as well. Whew, talk about a challenging, life changing endeavor! It’s awesome, but I think I have less hair… and more grey in what’s left. 😉

  • whoamiandwhy2012 says:

    Beautiful! Gods Will be done! I’m in Columbus, where’s the church?

    • Amen!

      Really! Thats so great! The church is actually meeting in a home for right now. I’m not sure the exact address of said home (for another 9 days anyways!), but I know that it is really close to the Easton mall if that means anything to you! lol

  • kalfury says:

    You’re bravery will be rewarded I’m sure X

  • Great reason, gal. So many scriptures came to my mind whild reading this. I”m think this might help your control thing, cause that goes deeper and I think God knows that. Thanks for sharing.

  • angelshalosandwings says:

    Best of luck dear. Hold your fears and follow your heart in the direction that it takes you. Faith is all we need.

  • Hi, we love your blog and have nominated you for the Sweetest Blog Award. If you would like to accept the award and see what you have to do next follow this link to our site for the Super Sweet Blogger Award rules; http://rezichfamilykitchen.wordpress.com/2012/08/20/thank-you-super-sweet-blogging-award/

  • Andrea Kelly says:

    What a beautiful and well-written post! It sounds like you have great things to look forward to 🙂

  • poseracing says:

    Awesome, girl warrior!!!

  • What a moving article. I once expereinced a similar testing, and I can say from experience that God will not disappoint when you are following him. That is not to say life will not be difficult, but I believe we come out better on the other side for it.

    I am really excited to follow your blog over the next few months and see how things go with the church plant.

    Many of us will be praying for you. I am excited for you!

    • “..God will not disappoint..”

      Wow. Those are exactly the words of encouragement that I needed to hear right now! Thank you for all of your support and prayers Mitchell! They are certainly welcome and desired! I will be sure to keep you up to date on the latest happenings with the church! We are all praying and believing for BIG things! 🙂

  • Lyn Leahz says:

    Hey, how does someone get a hold you via email? I’ve got to tell you something! my email is Lyn.Leahz@att.net (make sure you put the DOT between the first and last name!)

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